This Angel's a Runaway
by AbbyTheBlue
Summary: This fic is a boy's home AU, in which Cas and the angels are young and living in a home without parents. Ten-year old Castiel and Thirteen-year old Gabriel live a measly, but happy and normal life as adopted brothers. But everything changes when the new kid Dean shows up and tells Castiel he knows who killed his mother. (Profile image not mine)
1. Chapter 1

It was called Little Angels' Home For Boys. The name wasn't its highlight, I know, and neither was much else about it. It wasn't much more than an old barn and broken-down house. Not child-safe was an overstatement, even thought it was for kids. Broken glass hid, un-swept in the corners, and the whole place smelled a little like moth balls. Pictures of old fashioned families lined the walls, and they always used to scare me.

Ever since I first came here I've been the baby of the family. Not that I minded. The people who didn't want to ignore me treated me kindly, and the people who didn't have the patience to treat me kindly ignored me. Win-win.

Everybody there I could easily call my brother, seeing as how I've been here nearly my whole life. Although, one of the boys here in particular took me in as though we were family. His name was Gabriel. He had a cocky atmosphere and a wacked-up idea of fun, but a kind heart to go with it. I spent most of my time in his shadow. We did what he wanted, which was what I wanted. Which in many cases was truth or dare.

"Okay… truth." I decided slowly. I sat across from Gabriel on the floor in his room. He tapped his fingers as he thought.

"Hmm…" I could see a smirk rise up from behind his eyes. "Do you have a crush on Anna?" He asked slowly. Anna was the red-headed girl who lived across the street.

"No," I denied. "Of course not." He raised his eyebrows.

"I don't!" I repeated. He sighed, badly putting on a sentimental tone. He put his hand over his heart.

"Ah, my baby Cas is already getting crushes on girls. It seems he's growing up." He said.

"I don't have a crush on her!" I demanded. I grumble and look away. "And I'm not a baby."

"One through ten is baby," he rebutted.

I scowled. "I'm ten and a _half_."

Suddenly, both our heads snapped upward, as the sound of the dinner bell rang through the house. Gabriel sprang up.

"Come on little bro, let's get some grub!" He said. He hurried out the door, and I ran after him into the dining room.

Everyone was there in half a second, squirming to get our food. A few of the boys were picking at the food in the middle, but received a death glare from the head of the table. Micheal. Even though he was only 17, he was more like a father than a brother to most of the boys here. The people who were meant to take care of us were barely ever here, so it was always Michael. He got the food. He broke up the fights. He decided the rules. Therefore, he sat at the head of the table. It was logical. On either side of him were Joshua and Lucifer. I'm almost certain Josh was older, but he was too easy-going to rule this place like Michael did. He was wiser, though. Lucifer was younger than both of them, and didn't like Michael or the way he ruled over us. He had jealous tendencies, and Gabriel made sure I avoided him.

Beyond those two were Uriel and Zachariah. They were younger than the head of the table, but still older than me. I didn't really talk to them, but Gabriel told me they were bullies. Then, beside me there was Gabriel, and across from him was Balthazar. I was pretty good friends with Balthazar. Sometimes he was mean, but he was funny, reliable, and could get you out of trouble with a snap of his fingers. And, of course, I told you about Gabriel.

Almost at the edge of the table was me, across from Samandriel. A good-hearted boy, my age, and a friend since I got here. We've gotten along since forever, and occasionally he'll come hang out with me. I have a suspicion that he's afraid of Gabriel for some reason though, the way he gets all polite and averts his eyes when he's around. Because of that, we're not as good of friends as we could be, but all the same I cared about him.

Finally, beside Samandriel was Raphael. He would normally sit at the head of the table, going in order of age, but he preferred to sit back here, where he didn't have to make conversation. I barely know what his voice sounded like. Across from him, beside me was an empty chair. Mettetron. Cooped up in his room. Again.

There was no chair at the head of the table. Normally, it was where the people who should have been taking care of us would sit, but like they'd ever eat with us.

Michael sighed. "Mettatron! Come out, it's time for dinner!"

We listened as an exasperated voice came softly from the other room.

"I have no time for _dinner!_ " we could hear Mettatron scoff. "I have created a tiny, intricate universe and it's full of complicated little people that need my guidance!"

"Your book can wait until after," Michael responded firmly. Arms crossed, we watched as Mettatron emerged from his room, grumbling and cursing. He sat down beside me.

Gabriel, with a grin on his face, reached forward to get some food before he was cut off by Michael.

"Not until we've said grace, Gabriel." He said. Gabriel gave an innocent smile and withdrew his hand. Our eyes all shut and our hands all interlocked.

"Thank you Lord, for the food we have been blessed with. Amen." We heard Michael's deep voice say. "Amen," We all recited with him. Immediately after the word escaped our lips, we all broke into a chatter and began to serve ourselves.

"So, where do you think aunt Naomi's been?" Samandriel asked me, swinging his feet under the table and scooping a bit of turkey onto his plate. I shook my head.

"Don't know." I responded. Aunt Naomi would come around this place every so often, read us stories and tell us about things that are happening. We haven't really got all that much access to the news, so she brings it to us. And, of course, we always appreciate her visits. I mean, she's not really our aunt, but still. I look up to the head of the table. Michael wasn't talking to anyone.

"I'll ask," I told Samandriel. He was easily shier than me, so I usually took charge in a similar way.

"Michael?" I asked. He turned his head to look at me.

"Yes Castiel?" He asked.

"Is Aunt Naomi going to be back soon?"

"No," He said straightforwardly. Lucifer would give you an answer to scare you and Joshua would tell you a fantasy, but when you wanted the truth, you asked Michael. "She probably won't be. I passed her when I was running an errand, and she told me she had a big project at her work and wouldn't be around for a while." he raised his eyebrows. "However, she did say someone new may be coming to the home."

The table went dead silent. All eyes were on Michael. Someone new? Did he say someone new?! Nobody new had come here in eight years, back when they found me. After a moment, Zachariah spoke up.

"Well, don't leave us hanging! Who is he? When is he coming? Tell us everything!" He said.

"I don't know his name, but I know he'll be coming late tonight. Those of you who are younger will be in bed, but you will be able to wake up and meet him." he turned to look at me. "Cas, Sam, he's about your age, so I want you to show him around when you meet him."

Our chests puffed out as we both nodded eagerly. We could barely wait.

"As for the rest of you, I expect you to show him the utmost hospitality." He finished. The rest of the people nodded, and in a moment the table exploded in conversation as we finished our food. Gossip of every sort passed through the table, all the way until we started to clean up our plates.

"I'm so excited!" Samandriel said as we stood with the others to put our dishes in the sink. "I'll barely be able to sleep!"

I smiled softly. "Yeah. Me neither."

I was right, of course. I could barely get my heart to slow down enough to be comfortable, much less fall asleep. I managed to shut my eyes, but they kept pulling themselves open again. I could hear voices. Foot steps. A voice I'd never heard before. It was him! He was here! It felt like it was Christmas.

I listened hard to try and make out words, but the shut door made it hard. I couldn't really catch anything. In just a minute or two, the voices stopped, and I knew the new kid was asleep. I thought hard about some of the things he said. I thought maybe Michael had asked him his name. And, if that was the case, he must have told him. Logic ran through my head. I heard him say two syllables, so it must have been 'I'm' and then a one syllable name. Or was it three syllables. I could barely focus. Suddenly, a soft voice broke out of the dark.

"Hey." It was Gabriel. We shared a room. "Can you sleep?"

I propped myself up on my elbow to see him. "Not at all."

"Wanna go meet him?" It was too dark to see, but I could practically sense the trouble making smile in his voice.

"It's past curfew," I objected.

"Everyone's asleep. No one will notice."

"And if he tells everyone we've been snooping around?"

"He won't be awake."

"If he wakes up?"

"We'll be awful quiet."

I bit my lip. The plan was stupid, but man was I tempted. It was like getting up in the middle of the night to see the Christmas presents under the tree.

 _I'm not gonna open them, I'm just gonna look._ I reminded myself. I mean, we wouldn't wake him up. No one would know. What was the harm?

"Okay," I finally whispered back. There was a moment of silence and I knew he was grinning. Quietly as we possibly could, we both stood up. I stayed closely behind Gabriel as he walked out the door, something I tend to do when I get nervous. Walking without footsteps, we left the room.

We knew where he'd go. You weren't assigned a room until later so he would have gotten the guest room in the front. We barely breathed as we passed the other rooms, our eyes set on the one door on the left side. My heart raced as Gabriel gently turned the handle.

He was real. He was there. My eyes widened as this really occurred to me. He was here. He was new. He showed up. I took a careful step closer to see him as more than a lump under a blanket.

He slept in a T-shirt, with his brown, spiky hair in a mess. He was a little shorter than me, it seemed, but he looked older. His face was more defined and intense. His hands were clutched tight together, holding something shining. A necklace? A charm? A knife…? Bending over I took a closer , it was a knife. He slept with a knife…?

That I'd worry about later. The last thing I noticed was a piece of twine around his neck, and a small, wooden amulet hanging down from it.

"Psst." Gabriel whispered. I looked over to see him crouched down and looking at a bag next to the foot of the bed. "Look at this." He took a paper tag and showed it to me as I stepped around.

"Dean Winchester." He read the sloppy writing. "Oh my god this is so cool!"

"Shh!" I insisted. "Come on. We saw, we need to get back to bed,"

"Hang on!" He whispered sharply. Softly, he stepped around the bed and looked down at Dean and I could tell that to him, he was already a brother. His eyes glistened in the slight dark, and he gave a genuine smile that I saw from him so rarely.I didn't have the heart to ask him to leave. I watched as he gently took the blanket and tugged it upward over Dean's shoulder. Then, his smile vanished again and he looked at me.

"Let's go."

With that, we scurried off quietly back to our room and we were both able to sleep. I couldn't wait to meet him, to find out what he was like. Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester. The name repeated again and again in my head like music until it lulled me off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wake up Cas!" Gabriel awoke me, shaking me back and forth.

"Mm, what?" I mumbled.

"Come on, let's go meet Dean!"

All sleep was knocked out of me and my heart skipped a beat. I had almost forgotten about Dean. I jumped up out of bed.

"Get dressed and meet me out there!" Gabriel said. Without another word, he hurried out the door. In record time, I pulled on my clothes and followed him.

All the angels were already gathered around. I met Samandriel and sat down beside him in the front, to see Michael with his hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Boys, this is Dean Winchester." He presented him. "I expect you to welcome him here with the utmost hospitality." He said. I didn't know what hospitality meant, but I wasn't even paying attention. I picked up every mannerism, every little thing he did. The way his hands were stuffed into his pockets, his shoulders were relaxed, and one side of his mouth was lifted. He had glowing, candy-apple green eyes that I hadn't been able to notice before. I stared up at him with wonder.

"I'd like you to go around and tell him your name," Michael told us.

One by one, all of the boys said their names. Mettatron, Joshua, Zachariah.

"Hey, I'm Gabriel," Gabriel said with a brief smile and a wave just beside me. It was like I had spent all my life waiting for this moment.

"I-I'm uh, Castiel." I stuttered. Damn. And I blew it.

"Samandriel." Sam stated in a shaky voice.

He waved gently at us. We both smiled to the core.

"Dean, Samandriel and Castiel will show you to your room." Michael said, and gently pushed him forward.

As everybody scattered, the two of us met up with Dean.

"So you guys are gonna show me around, huh? How's the place?" He had a playful, confident voice with a raspy tone to it.

"Well, we don't know much else, so it's fine to us." I told him. I looked away. Was I supposed to say that? This was making me surprisingly nervous. I've known the same people all my life, I never had to deal with first impressions.

"You got any idea why everyone here treats me like a superstar?" He asked.

I smiled a little. "Well, we haven't gotten any new kids since-"

"Since we found Castiel, eight years ago!" Samandriel interjected. I could tell just by looking at him that he was about to burst with excitement. Dean raised his eyebrows at me.

"Wow, you've been here for a long time." He said.

"Uh, yeah." I said, unable to formulate a better response. "L-let me show you your room!" I started down the hall, and Dean and Sam followed after.

"So, uh, like I said, I'm Samandriel, but, uh, you can call me Sam or not that's cool too!" Sam stuttered, bouncing up and down and grinning ear to ear.

"Cool, good to meet you!" Dean said. "I got a brother named Sam, you know." We both looked to him, and a moment of silence passed through the hall.

"You have a brother?" I asked finally.

"Yeah, I do. So?" He asked, a defensive tone rising in his voice.

"I mean…" I paused, looking for what term to use. "Still?"

"Still?!" He demanded.

"Sorry, we just," I started. I sighed. "Where would he be then? I mean, if he's still _here_ , but isn't, you know, _here?_ "

Dean gave me an odd look, but slowly answered. "With my dad." He said.

The silence dwelled over again, only longer. Both our eyes widened as we looked at Dean.

"You…" Sam said slowly, looking down then back up again. His voice got softer. "You have a dad? You like… know him?"

"Yeah, I saw him just a couple days ago," He said. We stared at him in awe. Nobody here had parents. Or anyone. They were here cause there was no one else. That was what this place was for.

"Th-then…" Sam said. "Why… are you here?"

His smile faltered, just for a moment, then returned again. "I ran off."

"Why?" Sam and I said in unison.

"Home stuff. Look, I don't have to tell you everything!" He said defensively. I jumped back a little and found we had reached the room.

"This'll be your room," I said gesturing to the door.

"Wait, guys," Dean said. "Why are _you_ here?"

Samandriel smiled a little. "Doorstep baby. There's a couple more like me in the home."

"And you?" He turned his glowing green eyes to me.

I looked slightly away, unable to force the explanation from my mouth.

Dean took in a breath but considered what to say. "If I tell you why I ran off will you tell me why you're here?" His gentle hint of a smile returned. I looked back up at him and considered the offer.

"I-I think I have dish duty today." Sam said, and he scurried off. He was sometimes a little clueless, but he knew how to read a mood. I looked back up at Dean.

"Only if you tell me first." I said finally.

Dean leaned back against the wall and averted eye contact. "We have a sort of… family business. I was born into it. And when I told him I didn't want to do it…" He shrugged. "So I ran off. Maybe I'll actually have a chance to live how I want." He looked down, then back at me. "So, your turn."

I nodded. I kept my eyes on the floor and spoke before I could stop myself. "My mum died when I was one." He responded. "Then, soon after my dad ran off from me and my twin sister. A little later, we were both found and lead to different homes."

"They didn't try to find your dad?"

He shook his head. "They did find him. They think he went crazy. Kept saying my mum burned, stuck to the ceiling."

Dean looked up rapidly, his eyebrows creased in alarm. "He said what?!" He demanded lowly.

"I-I dunno," I said, starting to get nervous. "H-He was insane!"

"What did he say?!" I gasped as he reached up and grabbed me by the collar. His strength shocked me, as he made my collar dig into my neck and nearly lifted me off the ground.

"Hey!" Before I could see where he even came from Gabriel was shoving Dean away from me. He must have come from down the hall. I had a theory that Gabriel could not only see, but _sense_ when I was in danger.

"We got a problem here?" He asked, putting his hand so heavily on Dean's shoulder one side of him was weighted down. Even more amazing, Dean didn't look frightened. At all. He glared into Gabriel's eyes.

"No, we don't," He said harshly. Gabriel nodded, and took his hand off of Dean's shoulder. "You okay, Cas?" He asked, without breaking his cold eye contact with Dean.

"Yeah… fine…" I said, adjusting my shirt.

"Alright." Gabriel finished. "Let's go Cas." Without a glance back, he started down the hall and expected me to follow. Hurriedly I grabbed Dean's shoulder and whispered sharply in his ear.

" _Your room. 8:00._ "

Gabriel and I met on the floor of his room, where it was our tradition to play truth or dare. But today, it was interrupted. I could see suspicions of Dean flying through Gabriel's mind.

"I want you to be careful around him Cas," He said. "I mean it."

I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just shuffle slightly where I sit and mumble "It's your turn."

He sighed. "Dare,"

Dare was always hardest for me, but I always figured something out. "I dare you to sneak into Mettatron's room and type a swear word into his typewriter!"

He smirked. "Challenge accepted." In a second, he stood up and ran out the door, letting me follow after.

He was good at dare, that's why he always picked it. We waited quietly until Mettatron finally left his room, as he so rarely did, and walked in. Gabriel covered the paper as he typed, but I craned my neck to see. I didn't see or hear many swears, and I found it exhilarating when I did. Rebellious, even. Eventually, he succumbed and showed me the swear. My eyes widened and I had to suppress an amazed laugh as I saw the four letters so wrongly beside each other: d-i-c-k.

After that, we hurried back into our room, smiled on our faces.

"Truth or dare?" He asked me.

"Truth." I said. I preferred truth. I was more nervous than I was dishonest

I saw Gabriel's smile slowly fade as he looked me in the eyes. "What did Dean ask you about?" I groaned. I could hear the big brother in his voice.

"Aw, Gabriel, I didn't-"

"Cas," He warned. It seemed as though he read my mind as he said, "It's okay, I promise I

won't be mad." He said, and quite believably.

I swallowed and looked away. My voice was barely a whisper. "My dad." I said.

Gabriel pursed his lips and looked immediately up to the ceiling. "That son of a-" He whispered sharply then stopped himself. I could see rage pooling behind his eyes, but he didn't let it out. he promised he wouldn't be mad. But I wasn't sure if I believed it.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked sheepishly.

"No, Castiel, I'm not mad." Castiel. He only used my full name when he was mad or serious. And seeing as how I fully believed him, something was serious. A chill ran down my spine.

Gabriel looked me dead in the eyes, leaning forward. "I don't want you to see that boy anymore, Castiel, not without me there." He said softly.

I nodded and I felt my heart break in two. Now not only would I be betraying myself at eight o'clock tonight, but I would betraying the closest thing I ever had to a brother.


	3. Chapter 3

8:00 came faster than I was able to prepare myself for. I hadn't planned it, I hadn't done anything. My heart was racing in my chest.

"I think I'm gonna go see if Sammy needs help with his chores." I said, coming up with the best thing I could.

"Okie doke, little brother." Gabriel replied. In half a second I was out the door. My footsteps clicked loudly down the hall, and I was constantly looking over my shoulder. I slowed as I approached the door. As softly as I could while still being heard, I knocked on the door.

A second passed. Then another. It felt like a century. I knocked again.

Another moment passed before Dean opened the door.

"Cas!" he said. "Come in!"

I slipped inside the doorway and shut the door.

"There isn't a lot of time," I said quickly. "B-but I had to see you."

"Why?" he asked.

I swallowed and looked long into his eyes, nervous to bring up the subject. "What do you know about my Dad?"

Dean straightened his back and his eyes hardened, looking straight at me.

"I need you to tell me everything."

I was too desperate for information to argue. So I told him what he wanted: Everything. I told him about when my mother died and when my house burned down. When my Dad grabbed my sister and I and ran out the door, only to go crazy and run off saying something killed her, that she was pinned up to the ceiling. I told him about how we were only two and left alone for almost a week, until somebody finally found us in an old warehouse. I don't know where they took my sister, but I was brought here." I spoke fast and looked away. I didn't like or want sympathy, but luckily he didn't seem to give it. His eyes remained just as intense.

"I know what killed her." He said. "It got my mom too."

My eyes widened. I had no idea how this was possible, but I wasn't done listening. I was especially intrigued by the use of the word 'what' as opposed to who.

"That's what my dad does." He said. "He's been hunting for the thing that killed her."

"The _thing?_ " I asked. My voice was meeker than I hoped it would be. It was one thing knowing your father was insane, (which I had gotten used to) but it was a horse of a different color to think he was actually right. I wanted to leave right now. But I couldn't. "Well… what is it?"

Dean pursed his lips. "We're not too sure yet." He said. "That's what my dad's trying to figure out. We think it may have been a demon."

I almost cringed at the word. The boys here were all religious, and instead of the monster under the bed, it was always the devil. I could still hear Mettatron's voice, explaining it to me, trying to scare me. _It stays under your bed so it can be closer to Hell at all times,_ he logically explained. _But when it gets the chance… it jumps out and slits your throat before you even have the chance to wake up!_ I shuddered, focusing back on Dean and not the past.

"Were you afraid of the demon?" I asked, as kindly as I could. "Was that why you ran away?"

He scoffed loudly, a tone of anger in his voice. "What?! Of course not! I've slaughtered everything from ghouls to ghosts to vampires, and I'm not even eleven yet!"

I decided not to question the ghouls, ghosts, and vampires, and kept listening.

"I mean, I want to kill the damn thing as much as anyone… it killed my mom." He said, a sad glint in his eyes. "But I just… wish we could do that… and some other _normal_ things, too." He looked up at me, a gentle, friendly shine crossing his face and sparkling in his smile. "Hey, maybe if we try to hunt it _together_ , we can mix in some fun stuff too!" He hoped aloud. I sort of just stood there, looking down. I had already betrayed my brother by seeing him this once. No way was I gonna run off with him into the sunset. Then again, part of me cried for revenge. On whatever killed her. It took her life, logically, not maniacally, it deserved to pay… right?

"Cas! What on Earth's taking you so long?!" I was actually thankful to hear the call from Gabriel.

"I-I got to go, brother's calling," I stammered without looking him in the eye. And then, in a flash like a ghost, I was already out the door.

I met up with Gabriel sooner than I would have liked. Not sooner in the sense of time, but sooner spacially. It seemed like he was two steps out of the door before he was face-to-face with Gabriel. Oh god. Had he seen? Did he know? I tried not to look as guilty as I was.

The cheery smile on his face told me he wasn't upset. "Dude, I thought Sam had dish duty." He said. The kitchen wasn't anywhere near here…

"H-he had some other chores too!" I blurted forcefully, awkwardly. Gabriel glanced at me suspiciously. He knew I was lying because he always knew, but he wasn't going to follow up on it. He turned and started down the hall, acting as though nothing had happened.

"So, you tired?" He asked. "I know I am. It's almost curfew, why don't we hit the hay?" He walked casually back to our room.

"Yeah," I said mindlessly. What was he even saying? He didn't answer. Not until we got into our room anyway.

He let me in first, as usual. I stepped in, trying to make my body seem less tense. A cheery smile brimmed his face as he stepped in after me, his body language bouncy and excitable. But slowly, he shut the door. The second the door softly shut, his body and face changed completely. His back was rigid, his form still and mature. His face was reading and kingly. This wasn't Gabriel-Gabriel, it was big-brother Gabriel. I could tell them apart like they were two different people. I felt my heart drop in my chest.

"What's up, Cas?" he sighed. I thought his voice would be stern, and angry, but it was soft and kind. Even worse. I stayed silent. I couldn't lie to him. It was hard enough lying to regular Gabriel, but I couldn't lie to him.

"Where did you go when you said you were doing chores?" He asked. I looked down.

"Nothing," I muttered, the word barely escaping my lips.

"Cas," He warned sternly.

"Nothing!" I said a little louder. A brief silence passed. "Promise you won't be mad?" I asked.

He sighed. It was hard for him, not being mad, but he could muster it. "Fine, I promise." He said.

I looked down, and swallowed. I felt smaller than an ant, like I was 2 years old again. "I saw Dean…" I said rapidly, like ripping off a band-aid. "But it was only because he said he knew what happened to my mom and that it happened to his mom too and I really really just needed to know what happened to her and I'm really really sorry but I've wondered about this stuff all my life!" I said, my voice's speed and volume escalating. I still couldn't make eye contact for more than half a second.

"Oh, Cas…" he said softly, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "What did he tell you?"

"He said it was a demon." I said. "That we could find it together."

"Cas, there's no such thing as demons." He said to me gently. "That's just one of Mettatron's stories."

"So maybe it isn't a demon," I reply. "I still want to find it. Or him or... whatever." I said, a little more forcefully. He barely thought about it for a moment before I got my answer:

"No." He said. "Of course not."

"Gabriel, I just want to find it!"

"No way, Cas! I'm not letting you go seek this thing out!"

"But why?!"

"Because you have to let it go!" He said. Now he was angry. But it wasn't at me. It wasn't at anyone. It was just anger. Maybe this kind of anger was why we were so religious. We were mad at God. We all were. For what we got compared to what we supposedly deserved. "Don't forgot, I never had parents either!" He was shouting now. "By the time my horrible Dad ran off, my mom had a gunpoint to her head! And God, you have no idea how many times I have wanted to hunt him down, too, Cas, and everyone who drove my mom to get what she got, everyone who passed her on the street and didn't shout 'don't do it', for Christ's sake!" He calmed down. I haven't seen him like this in a long time. "But revenge doesn't help." He said softly, looking into my eyes, his stance rigid. "It only makes you want more. Don't go down this road, Cas."

I shook my head softly, thinking about what he'd said. "I don't want revenge." I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I just want to see it, Gabriel. I want to look into it's eyes so it can see me and I can see it. I just want it to know what it left behind, what the aftermath of what he did was. I don't even care if it affects him. I just want him to know that someone still remembers her, that someone still remembers what he did, and maybe, when he looks at me, he can be just a little bit sorry, a-and maybe I can be just a little bit forgiving, a-and even though it almost never works out this way maybe…" I looked into Gabriel's eyes. "Things can get a little better. For the both of us."

A long silence swept through the air. I knew I had started slipping as I spoke, because I could see Gabriel's heart sink lower with every word I said. He bit his knuckle and looked away, now, his eyes starting to glisten. I almost never saw Gabriel cry. Not that time we almost thought Aunt Naomi would move away. Not that time Samandriel skinned his knee really badly. Not that time he got scolded something horrible by Michael. And yet, now, he looked on the verge of tears.

Strange things make older kids cry.

I think it's when you tell them what you hope for.

"Cas, I can't just let you run off…" Gabriel said weakly, clearly swayed by what I said.

"Sleep on it," I tell him. For almost a second I feel like the older brother, and I switch back immediately. "Like you always say… 'no thinking without a head full of sleep and a belly full of food.'" I quoted regular Gabriel. He gave a sort of chuckle, but he still looked even sadder now. The way he laughed sort of pushed the tears over the edge. Older kids could also cry while they laughed, by the way.

"Alright." He said softly. "We'll talk about it in the morning."

I nodded and we both got right into bed. I thought my worries would keep me up, but tonight my bed was as soft as cotton candy, and I fell immediately asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up expecting some sort of life-changing news. I would go with Dean, find the thing that killed my mother…

Or I wouldn't, and I'd stay here.

That wasn't the kind of thing you shrugged off casually.

So as soon as I remembered what morning it was and what was happening my body went stiff and my eyes wide. I whipped up. Strangely, Gabriel was already awake. It occurred to me that was the second night this had happened, but the times before he had plenty of an excuse. But today was just a normal day. Gabriel usually slept like a log until he was woken by force, but today, he was already gone. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it meant something.

I sat straight up out of bed. I was a heavy sleeper too, but I wasn't drowsy at all this morning. I just got up silently, pulled on my clothes, and left the room. Gabriel was in the dining room, leaning on the back two legs of a chair with a book in his hand. We only had a few books, but we all had our favorites. In his hand was _The Hobbit_ , by someone names Tolkein. He looked immediately up at me, a grin spreading across his face as though nothing that happened last night was real.

"Hey Cas," He said.

"Hey," I said, twiddling with my fingers. I tried to say something like 'so can I go with Dean' or 'do you remember last night' but all that came was: "Good book?" My eyes found the book he was holding, now limp in his hand.

"Mm, a little slow." He said. "I like the dragon though!" I snickered to myself. Every book went too slow for Gabriel. He didn't have the patience for a picture book. I looked down, my laughter stopping in its tracks.

"What's up, Cas?" he asked, and it sounded pretty genuine.

"You uh…" I said, treading carefully in these dangerous waters. "Said last night you'd… sleep on it…"

He gave a wise, mature smile, somehow leaning even further back in his already nearly tipped chair. "Ah," He said, understanding. "I barely _could_ sleep, I was so busy thinking about it." His smile faded, but he didn't look upset. He just looked serious. It scared me and made me confident at the same time. Does that make sense?

"Cas, I have made my decision." He said. "You've been treated like the baby all your life, because here, to these boys, you are. You're the littlest, the youngest. But that can only be an excuse so long. You may be young Cas, but you're your own person, and with a notion of common sense closer to a fifteen year old's than a five year old's." He looked around for a moment before his eyes found mine again. It seemed to be very hard for him to say this. "And… it's time you made your own choices. And not just 'truth' or 'dare'. The way you want to start steering your life." He sighed, pursing his lips for a moment. "And if your choice is to go with Dean and find what killed your mother… so be it."

A grin spread over my face and my heart leapt in my chest. Without thinking, I threw myself onto Gabriel in a tackle hum. "Thank you!" I shouted. The chair tipped backward and we both fell, but he just laughed. "Easy there, sport," He chuckled. "I'm gonna be there too, you know. Make sure you two don't get _too_ out of control!" I laugh.

"Of course!" I said as I got up off of him. "I'm gonna go tell Dean!" I jumped up and started racing to the door.

I crashed inside his room, panting. "Dean, Gabriel's gonna let me-" I stopped in my tracks. Dean wasn't here. No one was. That was the part that stopped me talking to thin air, but it wasn't the part that got my heart racing in panic. Dean wasn't there…

And neither was anything he owned.

I stood there for half a second. I should have contemplated what I was going to do, but I obeyed the first voice that went off in my head. _Find him!_

I bolted back out the door. I knew Gabriel was trying to say something to me, but I ran right past him and out the door. The creaky wooden door slammed behind me. "Dean!" I called. "Dean!"

The town was pretty big, and it was a long shot that I would ever find him, but still my legs kept moving. I could hear fast footsteps behind me, and I knew who it was, but I ignored it. Gabriel would never just let me run off into town. "Dean!" I continued calling. My voice was on

the edge of tears. The footsteps grew closer and louder, but I kept running, even with the knowledge I'd be caught. "Dean!" I called one more time, finding tears streaming down from my eyes. Suddenly, a pair of thick arms came under mine, lifting me easily off the ground and stopping me from running.

"Hey," A soft voice said in my ear. "It's okay, Cas. It's okay."

"No!" I shriek. "Let me go, Gabriel! Let me go!" I try to kick against him, but he's nearly half a foot taller than me and at least two times stronger.

"Cas, calm down!" He insisted.

"No!" I cry again. "We were gonna find him! We were gonna fix everything! I gotta find him! We were gonna fix everything!" I find my muscles start to get exceedingly weaker as the adrenaline rush wore off and a wave of sourness followed it. I fell to my knees, loudly bawling.

"We were gonna fix everything! He left me behind, Gabriel, he left me behind!" I sob. Gabriel put his arms around me from behind, shrouding me in warmth.

"Shh. It's okay. I know." He whispered in my ear. "Come on, let's go back inside."

I was done rebelling. I weakly stood, and followed him back inside. I expected that he would eventually go from pitying to mad, but the switch never happened. We just went inside. He told me it was okay and stopped my crying, not even mentioning that I should never have run out into the street.

The rest of the day was pretty much silence between us. Gabriel was good at cheering people up, but he knew when not to try when it was a lost cause. He didn't joke with me or try to play a game. He left me alone in my room, to think.

I didn't know why it destroyed me so much that he was gone. I guess you don't really know how much hope you've got until it's taken away. I thought that I thought it was a decent idea. We'd go out. We'd try to find him. And if we tried, and failed, or if we never even started, that would be okay too. Little did I know my heart was already set on it.

I went to bed very early that night. I didn't feel like staying up, or thinking, I felt like sleeping, in any and every sense of the word. I just wanted to stop for just a couple hours and reboot myself. Maybe the morning wouldn't be so bad. I thought I was out of tears to cry, but as my bed hit the pillow, I found them gently running down my face again. I shut my wet eyes. I didn't think of Dean. I didn't think of what killed my mom. I didn't think of anything Gabriel said to me. I didn't think of anything. I went to sleep with my head a clean slate.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey." The voice echoed off my head and into my dreams, but I was barely aware of it until it became more forceful. "Hey!" My eyes opened wide. The darkness engulfed me, and it took me a second to adjust to the light. I gasped in shock when I saw who it was waking me.

"Dean?!" I demanded.

"Shh!" He snarled.

"Where did you go?!" I asked rapidly. "Wh-why did you go, what were you-" He slapped a hand over my mouth.

"I didn't like it here, and I wanted to be on my own. And besides, we can't find the thing that killed our moms from here, now can we?" Gently, I pulled his hand from off my mouth and spoke softly, like he wanted.

"Why didn't you tell me you'd go? Why'd you go without me?" I asked, a hurt glint in my eyes.

"I heard you talking to Gabriel, and I saw the way you looked when I asked. I figured you didn't want to go. But then I saw you calling for me all the way through town…"

"So I _can_ come?" I said, to shorten his speech. I could feel his grin in the darkness.

"Yeah!" He said eagerly. He bounced up and whispered sharply. "Come on, we got a lot of ground to cover!" I sat up.

"Not without Gabriel." I objected harshly.

"Dude, no way, we just need to go-"

"Not. Without. Gabriel." I said more forcefully. He sighed.

"Fine, have it your way." He sighed. As he crossed his arms and looked the other way, I jumped out of bed and shook Gabriel. "Gabriel!" I whispered harshly.

"Mm… what?" he mumbled incoherently.

"Come on, we're going on an adventure!" I said.

"Mm… five more minutes." He groaned.

"Gabriel! Adventure!" I whined, shaking him harder.

"An adventurous five minutes then. Yipee!" He said sarcastically. I continued shaking him and whined softly. "Alright, alright, I'm up." He said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He saw Dean in the corner, but didn't say anything. I still don't think he liked Dean.

We both got dressed and collected up some stuff we'd need (Dean advising us to pack extremely lightly) and then it seemed we were on our way. It really did feel like I was going on an adventure, with a pack on my back and my feet on the road. A refreshing gust of wind hit me as soon as I stepped out the door, and then no more wind blew. Definitely a sign.

"A little like that book I was just reading." Gabriel commented. "Pack your stuff and go on an adventure."

I smiled. "This is gonna be amazing." I said to him. He smiled back at me, then looked up at Dean. "Where are we going?" I asked him, as he walked ahead of me.

"There's this cute little hotel about a mile from here." He said. "From there, we start figuring out where it is."

"Awesome!" I said.

For a long time, we walked in silence. I was faster than the both of them, even though my legs were a bit shorter. I didn't know why I was so hopeful. Why I was smiling so wide. But I was.

For a long while, Dean and Gabriel were quiet. But I listened close, pretending I couldn't hear them when they started talking.

"Why did you go?" Gabriel asked him. at first, Dean didn't reply.

"I didn't like it there," he said casually. I could tell by the silence (just a brief moment, barely noticeable) before Gabriel spoke that he took offense to that, but he didn't want to show it.

"So where _would_ you like it? Where were you even headed?" he continued.

"Anywhere," I heard him reply. There was a smile in his voice. "I like being on my own, like it's just me against the world!"

"And Cas?" He added. A silence, before Dean finally spoke.

"I…" he said. "He was so happy there."

"So you figured 'why even tell him about this fantastic opportunity'?"

"Look, I knew if I showed him, he'd want to come."

"Of course he would."

"But I mean it's like learning about a new kind of food you love. You get excited, and you have too much. And then you make yourself sick and just wish you had kept eating what you thought you like in the first place, but now you can't because you know that other thing is better." His voice got a little louder near the center, but he quieted down as he reached the end. Gabriel didn't speak for a moment.

"Is that what happened to you?" he finally asked.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Somebody showing you these 'better foods', and letting you get addicted." Silence passed the conversation like a fog. "Dean?" Gabriel prompted.

He swallowed. "My dad." He said finally. "I wish everything could just go back to normal. But now it can't. And I didn't want to be like him, I didn't ever want to put that fate on someone!"

"You act like he doesn't have a choice." Gabriel said, speaking softer than Dean. i had to strain to hear him.

"I thought _I_ had a choice." Dean grumbled back.

"Cas is a strong-willed boy, Dean." Gabriel responded. "He could have a gun to his head, and he would still have a choice."

They stopped talking, then. I suddenly felt like an outsider. Dean was my age, but it felt like I was listening to two older kids talking. And worse yet, talking about me. It scared me, considering that dean might have been right. I loved adventure now, but it occurred to me, at some point, that I wanted to be back home. And I don't just mean _the_ home, I mean _home._ With Gabriel, playing truth or dare and laughing until our sides ached.

And then it startled me, a thought occurring that Dean wasn't part of my home. He was foreign, and frightening, and different from anything I've ever known.

And every second of time I spent with him, I felt like more and more was changing.

I didn't want to walk in silence anymore. It started grating at my ears, my thoughts beginning to bite me. I faked a smile and reminded myself _I hadn't heard anything._

"Hey Dean!" I called. He jogged a little to catch up with me. "We gonna be there soon?"

"Uh, yeah!" He said. He was faking a smile, too. I guess it takes one to know one. "We'll be there in like, an eighth of a mile, at most."

I nodded vigorously. "Cool!" I said. "Hey, are you sure they'll let us in? I mean, the oldest one here is Gabriel, and he's only thirteen."

He chuckled to himself, looking straight forward, "Trust me, I've stayed at this place." he said. "They wouldn't care if you were a freaking _pine tree_ and came in there asking for a room and complimentary Christmas lights!"

I laughed to myself, as I imagined a pine tree in a classy tuxedo checking into a hotel. Dean smiled back at me, when I laughed. _I like Dean Winchester_ , I thought. I was almost sure it was true.

After this thought passed, I saw him look up ahead and his chest puffed out. "There," He said, pointing. I looked where he was pointing. A little down the street was a shabby old grey building, with orange lights that said "MOONLIGHT MOTEL" in big letters, but the N, G, and several of the O's were flickering. I was a little scared of this place, but it also added to the adventure.

"Cool!" I said immediately.

"This place?" Gabriel asked uneasily, catching up with us and breaking in between Dean and I.

"Yeah, why not?" Dean replied casually.

"It's a little… well…" He looked at it, and I could practically see the adult words he didn't want me to here go through his head and then getting ignored. "Shady." He finally decided.

My heart skipped a beat. Gabriel would be willing to go into a deserted cave. If he thought something was wrong, something most definitely was. I looked up at Dean, wondering what he'd say.

"Look, dude, it's fine!" He insisted. "I've stayed at this place before, come on!"

Gabriel bit his lip, considering what his plan was. "Mm… okay. But Cas, you gotta stay close." I nodded vigorously and packed in just a centimeter closer to Gabriel as we reached the hotel. Gabriel and I hesitated for half a second before we entered, but Dean strolled right in. The woman behind the counter had one hip jutted out, a very light amount of clothing, an atrocious amount of makeup and stringy blonde hair. Dean walked up without a care in the world.

"One room, please." He said. She glanced around, noticing that he was literally 10 and we were 10 and 13. But nonetheless, she gave Dean a room key that said "4".

"Enjoy your stay." she scoffed. He smiled, nodded, and started off down the hall. I followed after.

"Room 4…" He muttered as he walked looking just above the doors. "One… two… three… here it is! Four!" He walked into the pale beige door that was labeled Number 4.

The rom was plain, but not as bad as I expected. The walls were the same color as the door and he floor and uncomfortable tile. Two beds, neither of which really looked soft and there was one very small closet. However, there was a TV.

"Oh, wow!" I said, dropping my bag and rushing over to it.

"Holy…" Gabriel began, holding back a swear. he was trying not to show that he was excited, but I could tell he was.

Dean laughed. "You act like you've never seen a TV before!" He joked. I looked at him. And so did Gabriel. Slowly, as his smile faded, he understood. "Wow…" He said. "Quite the life you're living. We gotta watch something, man!"

My eyes switched over to Gabriel, pleading him to say I could. He swallowed, looking outside. "We need some sleep," He grumbled, not really wanting to sleep either. "We can watch in the morning."

"Aw…" I said softly.

"Come on, Cas," He said. I nodded, and stepped away from my dreams.

"I've got a sleeping bag," Dean stated, putting down his bag and pulling out a grey sleeping bag. "You two can take the beds."

Gabriel nodded and flopped down on one of the beds, and I, on the other. Dean turned off the lights, and the room was asleep.

Hours passed, or at least it felt like it. and yet, my eyes wouldn't close.

"Gabriel? Are you awake?" I whispered. A moment passed before I heard a groan muffled by a pillow from Gabriel. That meant sort of.

"When I told you what I was going to do when I found the demon… why did you cry?" I asked.

"Psh," He responded. "I wasn't crying."

"Were too!" I insisted. "And you looked sad when I told you what I wanted to do when I grew up, too!" I realized. "And where I wanted to live when I left the home! It's like you're sad whenever I tell you what I wish for!"

"It's cause I wish the same things, Cas." He responded.

"But why does that make you sad?" He hesitated for a moment.

"Because I love you very much, Cas." He said. "And I wish I could give you everything you wanted. It makes me sad that we even have things to wish for at all."

"But you have to have things to wish for!" I tell him. "Otherwise, what's the point of living?"

He chuckled. "Very insightful, Cas." He responded. "I'm sorry. It just makes me sad because I want you to be able to have everything."

"I never will though," I knew. "Does that make you sad?"

"Sort of."

"Oh…" I frowned, thinking. "That means me just existing would make you sad all the time." I said. "I'm sorry," I added.

"Cas, it's okay."

"No, really, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, Cas." He insisted. "Because your existence also makes me very happy."

"How can you be happy and sad at the same time?"

"Well I… I feel like that whenever I remember how you've grown and I hear what you wish for." He continued.

"But I thought those things made you sad."

"They make me happy, too."

"What?"

He laughed slightly. "It's hard to explain," He admitted. "Go to sleep, Cas. We've got things to do in the morning."

"Okay." I said. And so I pulled my eyes shut, and managed to drag myself into sleep.


End file.
